We lost Aubrie last summer to the dreadful cardiac hemangiosarcoma. Aubrie showed no symptoms until 48 hours before we made the painful decision to let her go. My parents were on a vacation in Vegas for the weekend. On Saturday, August 20, 2011, Aubrie stopped eating. Refusing to eat her breakfast did not greatly concern me as Aubrie had always been a finicky eater, but Aubrie was turning her nose up at everything, even the yummiest treats I had to offer her. Sunday, she was getting worse before my eyes. I started to panic because my veterinary clinic is not open on Sundays. Aubrie would lay down and pant heavily. She was still refusing to eat and only wanted large amounts of water, which she proceeded to regurgitate. Layla would not leave Aubrie alone. I watched Aubrie from our living room couch. Layla would approach me whining. She was persistent. It was very obvious to me that Layla knew something was very wrong with Aubrie. Since I worked at my veterinary clinic last summer (and the summer before last), I took Aubrie to work with me the next day, a Monday. I did not expect the diagnosis that the vets gave. We drew blood on Aubrie. It was very dark because she was so dehydrated. We took radiographs of her chest. I helped every step of the way. The tech took one look at the radiographs before a vet did and said, "Oh Em, this doesn't look good." I took a look for myself. It wasn't good news at all. Aubrie's heart was extremely enlarged. It was taking up almost her entire chest cavity. Dr. Caruso ran an EKG on Aubrie and found an irregular heart rate. An ultrasound showed a mass in her heart. Her pericardium was filling with fluid making it difficult to breathe and pump blood the her body. We administered injectable lasix to make Aubrie more comfortable by drawing fluid off of her chest. Dr. Smith told me that hemangio was a terrible cancer that is very common in the Golden Retriever breed. He said he could refer me to a cardiologist who could draw the fluid off of her heart, but this would not fix the problem. Dr. Smith said it would only buy time, but he could not tell if it would be days or weeks. I did not want Aubrie to go into heart failure, and we did not want to bring her home if she would suffer and remain sick, so I made the decision to let her go.
To this day, that remains the most difficult decision I have made. I tried to remain strong in front of everyone at the clinic, including my mother, but I was in so much pain- I still am. I still feel guilty at times for that decision, but I have to remind myself that I did the very best thing I could for my girl. I did not want her to suffer and I knew Aubrie would not be happy if she came home but could not chase squirrels, play with her sister, or have an appetite. Aubrie's loss was very difficult on everyone in my family, including Layla. Layla had lived with Aubrie every day of her life from the time that I brought her home at 7.5 weeks old. Layla and Aubrie were pals. Layla looked up to her big sister and was her constant shadow. Without Aubrie, Layla was lost. She lost all desire to play. She would just lay around unless someone made a huge effort to get her up. Layla did not find nearly as much joy in training either. All of this changed when I purchased a little brother for my girl. Now, Layla runs and plays again. Jade and Layla love each other so much. It makes my heart sing to see my kids so happy to have each other.
This year, August 22 was bittersweet. It not only marked the one year anniversary of losing Aubrie, but on this day, Jade turned 5 months old. I cannot imagine life without my little man already. He is so sweet, such a cuddler, and so very wise. I look deep into his eyes and see a Golden much older than he is. I know Jade came at just the right time for Layla and me. I am so lucky every day I have with this awesome boy. I cannot wait to fill the years to come with many more memories of Layla and Jade.
Layla just keeps running better and better for me in agility. We had a nice weekend at the Rocky Mountain All-Terrier show here in Denver. I am getting spoiled with agility trials in Denver. There are so many options for trials every month less than an hour from my house. On Friday, Layla NQ'd standard. She bailed the aframe and the dogwalk (a problem we have been having for years). She q'd in JWW with 5 points. Saturday, Layla finished her MXJ with 6 points for her JWW run. She bailed the aframe again in standard, but hit the contact on the dogwalk. Today, Sunday, we got our very first QQ!!! Layla also got her second MX leg. We got 14 points in standard and 7 points in jumpers. Jumpers was an especially tricky course. Very few dogs ran clean. It was one of those course where the careful dogs beat out the lightning quick Border Collies. I saw so many handler pushing their dogs into an off course after a front or rear cross on a line of jumps before looping around that I decided that I needed a different plan. For the first time in a trial, Layla and I did a blind cross, and it worked!! I got great distance on a front cross two jumps after my blind, and Layla gave me great weaves! I just love this girl! She got a raw marrow bone and duck necks to celebrate our accomplishments this weekend!
Tomorrow morning, Blake and I are driving back to Tulsa. Blake needs a few days at home before he flies out to Germany at the end of the week for his study abroad. Blake returns to the States in December. I am trying not to think (or write) too much about him leaving because it makes me very upset. Blake is the best boyfriend I could ever ask for. My Goldens love him like crazy. I often find Layla asleep with her head on Blake's shoulder or chest. I know it will break Layla and Jade's heart nearly as much as mine when they find out we are returning to Denver without him. On Thursday, the kids and I leave from Tulsa to Gray Summit for the Golden National. We get to play 5 days of agility, do health testing, go to seminars, watch all kinds of other events, shop, and hang out with other Golden friends!! It's going to be a blast. I return to Denver from the National just 2 days before classes start. The Sunday before my classes start, I have plans to meet Gayle Watkins, Jade's breeder. Gayle and I have talked many times over the phone or over Skype, but have never met. I cannot wait for her to see how much my handsome many has grown! I have some exciting days ahead of me!!
Mr. Watermelon Face
My baby girl and me
My favorite boys
No comments:
Post a Comment